• Cruise Ship Goes Down in Protest of SOPA
• Truth or Dare Game Ends Really, Really Badly
• Dining Hall Puts Morgan Freeman on MLK Day Posters

• Italian Cruise Ship Runs Aground on Massive Stereotype
• “Ask Kenan” But Not About Kel: Burger Magnate to Keep USDA Prime Secrets
• Al-Qaeda Admit That Mark Wahlberg Would Have Kicked Their Asses

• Mistletoe Outlawed Until Mono Outbreak is Under Control
• All I Want for Christmas is You (and an iPad 2)
• “Do It For the Children,” Says Guilt Tripping Fundraiser

• Report: local studenalways thought Mitt Romney was a cardboard cutout
• Tebow hopes to get some more support from God next season
• Report: Donald Sterling trades away kids, wife, soul for Chris Paul

• Local Bar Mitzvah DJ Cannot Believe the Suckers in this Town
• Future Drug Dealer Gets Signed Up For Tennis Lessons
• NorShore Mom Constantly Monitoring Changes in US News and World Report College Rankings

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• Macy’s Unveils Infidelity Collection
• Man Thinks “8 Feet” Sounds About Right for Debt Ceiling
• City Of Cleveland Places Lebron James Under City-Wide House Arrest