• Disney to Release More Truthful Animation
• Freshman Finally Bunks Bed
• Obama Can’t Stop Taking Stances on Things

• Purchaser of “The Scream” Also Buys Nation of Tuvalu
• Creepy Friend Request Guy Actually Requesting Kidney, Nbd
• Scientists Debate Origins of Obama’s Same Sex Marriage Stance

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• Local Bar Mitzvah DJ Cannot Believe the Suckers in this Town
• Future Drug Dealer Gets Signed Up For Tennis Lessons
• NorShore Mom Constantly Monitoring Changes in US News and World Report College Rankings

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• Macy’s Unveils Infidelity Collection
• Man Thinks “8 Feet” Sounds About Right for Debt Ceiling
• City Of Cleveland Places Lebron James Under City-Wide House Arrest